As I stated in an earlier post , I have not arrived but I am ever becoming. I know that I will not arrive until I hear those infamous heavenly words ” well done thy good and faithful servant.” Until that time, I will be stretched, pulled, bent, and twisted on this journey. With that said, at times I have “unique feelings” about the Christian journey. I often wonder about some Christians who appear to have it all together to the point of looking down their nose on others. Allow me to expound on that.
There are times I encounter certain Christians and it is always “praise God” or quoting scriptures after every other word. What’s ironic is that those same individuals could never reach me where I was. It seemed they could never identify with what I was going through at the time. Whenever I turned to them for advice or direction, I felt a coldness. It felt as if they were too lofty for little old me. I often left feeling even more alone than before I met with them.
I often said within myself, surely they weren’t always “this together”. Have they ever felt empty sitting in church? Have they ever felt indifferent? How did they overcome complacency? Have they ever felt angry at the seemingly unfair judgments of God? How did they get their confidence in God’s promises? But when I would try to ask for a personal testimony of how they felt inside while going through, they always seem to avoid that part and expound on typical Christian cliches.
I started seeing things in the body of Christ that were contrary to what it said in the bible. I read in the bible in Romans 12:3 “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith”. I also read in Romans 12:16 “Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.”
I also read the various accounts of Christ’s ministry when he came to earth in the flesh. He always had the ability to reach people where they were. He associated with people that were not exactly the “choice” people of the day. He could also identify because he was met with all the things we face such as temptation, sorrow, weariness, etc.
Here is my personal testimony for getting through these “sour feelings”. I am honest with God about the less than favorable feelings I feel. He already knows so why pretend? I also tell him how I don’t want to feel that way whether it is anger towards someone, using profanity, acting ugly, overcoming addictions, feeling complacent or indifferent on the Christian journey,etc. I ask him to take it away from me or give me the grace that is needed to go through it. I ask him for the grace to accept his will.
I go deep with God because I desire a deep and meaningful relationship with him. I don’t want pretense. It is not a bed of roses. What I am learning is that when you decide that you want to go deeper in your relationship with Christ, attacks of every kind intensifies. I am also learning that when I truly seek answers from him he shows himself in a mighty way.
He started sending fellow Christians my way that were unlike the ones I spoke of earlier. They could identify with what I was experiencing. They could reach me where I was because they had been there and did not mind sharing their experiences, raw emotions and all. I saw such rich lights illuminating from them. There was so much substance in the words they spoke.
God also starting revealing himself to me personally through his word. He revealed that his chosen prophets had doubts, did not obey, lost their way, etc. He revealed that Jesus himself could identify with my trials. That always blows my mind. It is then that I know his word is true. It is then that I know that I’m not the only one.